Taanis 12
“What’s
more important an anniversary or a birthday?” Cecil asked me, “I’m in two minds
whether to go home to South Africa this year for my old man’s seventieth
birthday or next year for my folks’ fortieth wedding anniversary. Of course I’d love to go for both, but it’s
way too expensive! What do you suggest,
Rabbi?”
“How are
your parents doing? Are they in good
health?” I inquired. Sometimes it’s not
a good idea to delay a visit.
“Yes, thank
G-d, they keep in great shape, may they live till 120!”
Which occasion
is more significant in Judaism – birthdays or anniversaries?
When the Jews returned to Israel from exile in Babylonia,
they wanted to reinstitute the Temple service, but there was an acute shortage
of communal resources. Nine families stepped up to the plate and
offered to cover the costs of wood for the altar. As time went on, the economic situation
improved and there was no need for the individual families’ donations. Nevertheless, in recognition of their original
dedication, they were each accorded one day a year to contribute the wood. The families celebrated their day as a
personal family festival.
Rabbi Chisda taught: Any fast that one does not
complete until nightfall is not called a fast.
The Talmud questions this teaching from a story
told by Rabbi Eliezer the son of Tzadok.
“I am a descendent of Son-of the son of
Benjamin. One time, the 9th
Av (a day of national tragedy, observed as a public fast) fell on Shabbat. The fast was postponed to Sunday (since there
is no mourning on the Sabbath). Our family
fasted [so as not to separate ourselves from the community] but we did not
complete the fast, because that day (the 10th Av) is our family
festival [of the wood contribution].”
Here, the Son-of family didn’t complete their
fast, but they still partially fasted. The Talmud infers that, contrary to Rabbi
Chisda’s opinion, an incomplete fast is still deemed a fast. The Talmud concludes, however, that they didn’t
really need to fast since it was not the actual day of the 9th
Av. They simply did not want to be in
complete celebration mode when everyone else was in mourning and so they too afflicted
themselves a little.
Our purpose
in life is to contribute. The more we contribute
in life, the more we have fulfilled our Divine mission. Babies are pure takers. As we mature, hopefully we take less and less
and begin to give back. The festival of
the wood-contribution was so important that it overrode the Son-of family’s
obligation to fast! Such is the
significance and value accorded to contribution!
Birthdays
are wonderful but they don’t celebrate any personal achievement. The only thing you achieved by your birthday
is that you managed not to die over the last twelve months! It’s certainly an opportunity to thank the
Almighty for granting you the health to reach another birthday and to think
about all the goodness He has given you in life. But in terms of your accomplishments, it
really doesn’t signify anything.
Anniversaries,
however, are extremely meaningful. There
are two major milestones in life that reflect our ultimate purpose on
earth. When one is single, it’s all
about ME. No need to worry about anyone
else. I can come and go as I please, spend
money as I please, say and do whatever I like.
But then you get married and everything changes. Suddenly it’s all about giving your life to
someone else.
Why would
anyone do that? The answer is that our
purpose in life is to give. Marriage is
about unconditional giving. Of course, the
second milestone is having children – at that point, it’s completely about selfless
giving. You can never expect to get back
the hundreds of thousands of dollars and hours you have given your kids!
And so
every year, on your wedding anniversary, it is surely a cause for
celebration. It is the celebration of
contribution. You have given of yourself
to someone else selflessly for another year!
That’s the purpose of life, that’s worth celebrating!
Always
remember why you are here. You were
given this mortal life to be a contributor, to be a giver. The more you give, the greater your
accomplishment. Become an achiever today
– become a giver today! And then you
will have much to celebrate!
