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Tuesday, 21 April 2015

Bury the hatchet forever

Daf Yomi Kesubos 78

Maggie and Freddie’s marriage was spiralling out of control.  They were always bickering at one another and the tension was high.
“Freddie is always bringing up our old fights,” said Maggie, “It seems as though every time we have an argument, it’s building on our last fight.  Suddenly, he bombards me with every disagreement we ever had.”

A woman who inherited property prior to becoming betrothed, Beis Shamai and Beis Hillel both agree that she may sell or gift the property and the transaction is effective.  If she inherited the property after betrothal, Beis Shamai says she may sell, but Beis Hillel says she should not sell.  Nevertheless, both agree that if she did sell or gift the property, the transaction is effective.

Rabbi Yehuda taught: The Sages contended before Rabban Gamliel, “Once he has acquired his wife, does he not acquire her possessions?”  He responded, “We are already embarrassed about the new (property).  Do you additionally wish to impose the old upon us?”
Rashi explains: Why did the Sages see fit to rule that if she sold or gifted property she inherited after marriage, her husband has the right to annul the transaction and repossess the property?

At the beginning of the Shema prayers we recite before retiring to bed at night, we chant a prayer where we forgive all who may have wronged us that day.  That way, you can go to bed without holding a grudge against anyone.  It is especially important to pay particular attention to your relationship with your spouse.   Many spouses make a point of never going to bed upset at one another – this prayer guarantees that! 

Having utterly forgiven your spouse for everything on a daily basis means it’s impossible to ever bring up past arguments.  They’re completely gone.  Your spouse might have said or done things in the past that upset you.  But if you forgave them – which you should daily – you must never ever bring it up again.   As the Sages tell Rabban Gamliel, the new issues are embarrassing enough as it is, without having to re-impose the old issues!  You should be embarrassed to bring up old issues – it reflects poorly on you, it means you never really forgave your spouse and they can’t really trust you to put things in the past behind you.

Don’t bring up old issues.  Forgive your spouse daily and bury the matter never to be heard of again.  May you merit a beautiful relationship filled with love and caring and forgiveness!

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