Daf Yomi Sotah 28
It was shortly before Pesach when Fraidy and Shloimy were
married in Boro Park. A lovely young Chasidic
couple, they were each so enamoured by their basherte, wondering how
they were so blessed to have found such an incredible life-partner.
The sheva brachos were over and the young couple
quickly transformed their home for the festival. The seders, of course, were celebrated
at each of their parents’ tables, but they finally had a chance to sit down and
eat together, just the two of them, on the second day of Yom Tov. Fraidy had prepared a delicious chicken soup
and lovingly placed a steaming hot bowl before her husband.
The soup was indeed delicious. Shloimy couldn’t stop thinking how lucky he
was to have met Fraidy. With each
spoonful of soup, his love for her grew stronger and stronger. Suddenly, he lifts the spoon to his mouth, lo
and behold, he sees a piece of wheat!
He can’t control himself.
He jumps up from the table in a fit of rage. He thought he had married a frum girl,
dedicated in the most scrupulous manner to Torah and mitzvos. How could she serve him wheat on
Pesach?! Outraged, the next day, Chol
Hamoed, he takes her to the rabbi for a divorce. The rabbi listens intently to his rant and
calmly suggests that they give it a few days and come back to him on the last
day of Yom Tov. Shloimy insists that
there’s really nothing to think about, but reluctantly agrees.
A few days later they are back. On Chol Hamoed, Shloimy had been wearing his
regular Chasidic garb; now it is Yom Tov again and his head is covered by his
beautiful new fur shtreimel. The rabbi
welcomes them in and asks Shloimy whether he has changed his mind.
‘Absolutely not!’ declares the young groom. ‘This marriage
was arranged under false pretenses. I
demand a divorce!’
‘Do you mind showing me your shtreimel?’ asks the
rabbi. Shloimy is a little taken aback
and slowly lifts off his fur hat and hands it to the rabbi. The rabbi gives it a shake and out fall a
number of wheat kernels! You see, in Chasidic
circles, as the bride and groom walk to the chuppah, they are showered with ‘blessing’
from their family and friends!
Shloimy, of course, did not know where to put himself. He had accused his wife of the most awful
behaviour while meanwhile he was the culprit all along. Shokeling back and forth at the table, the
kernel must have come loose and fallen into his soup!
The moral of the story?
Before criticizing anyone else, you should check your own shtreimel
first!
Concerning the test of the bitter waters administered to
the allegedly disloyal wife, the Torah declares, “And the husband shall be
innocent of sin and that woman shall bear her iniquity.”
Beraisa: When the husband is indeed completely free of
sin, the waters are effective in testing the wife. If the husband is not guilt-free, the waters are
ineffective in testing his wife.
Here we have a husband that has taken his wife to the beth
din, accusing her of the most terrible of behaviours, but really he is no more
innocent himself! The bitter waters are
ineffective. He has no right to be
taking his wife to task when he himself is equally wanting.
Too many people point fingers at others without ‘checking
their own shtreimel first.’ They judge,
they criticize, they accuse. We’re not
only talking about the spousal relationship; it happens in every sort of
relationship. Before you go accusing
others of acting a certain way, you need to ask yourself whether you are
completely innocent. Otherwise, not only
is your criticism unfair, but chances are it’s polluted with your own ‘wheat
kernels.’ In an effort to deflect
attention from your own deficiencies, you end up projecting them onto the other
person.
Maybe it’s a colleague that you feel is undermining your
work to the boss. Before pointing
fingers, ask yourself if you are doing your very best to always present them in
a positive light. Maybe it’s a sibling
that you feel isn’t acting with the best intentions. Ask yourself if you are being there for them
and their family as a brother or sister should.
When you perceive a flaw in someone else, don’t rush to
point fingers. Instead, take a good look
inside your own ‘shtreimel.’ May you merit
to always see the good in everyone and only ever build them up with positive
energy!
